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Monday, July 18, 2011

Warning Vent ahead!!!!

I am so so so sick and tired of kids fighting & whining!!!  I am also sick of being used, taken advantage of, laughed at, made fun of, and being shit on by people who are supposed to be my friends!!!!  I hate that I can't buy my kids everything they want even if they deserve it!!  I hate that I couldn't carry my 2 youngest to full term and the issues this has caused both of them.  I hate that my husband works 2 jobs because he doesn't want our youngest in daycare. I hate that people I thought were my friends have proven that they aren't.  I hate that I really have no friends close.  I hate that I weigh 329 lbs and struggle so hard to lose weight.  I hate that my dad has never met my son!! I hate that I am not allowed to call my mom! But most of all I hate that I feel so alone some days!!!!!!!!!!!!  No I am not suicidal I am just sick and tired of hiding all of this deep down and putting on a smile everyday and everyone assuming I am ok instead of just once asking how I really am and taking the time to actually listen to my real answer.  I am feeling very alone and lost.  I am on a journey but for the first time ever feel like I am going every step of the way by myself!!!  I want people to truly be my friends and be willing to go do something as simple as having coffee with me.  Maybe I just need to accept I am a bitch and no one wants to be around me.  Who knows??? 

Sorry but I warned you!!!!!!  I had to get that out and I had no clue where else I could let out this vent so this was my outlet.  Everyone says I am soo strong well you know what I sure don't feel that way today!!!  But none the less I will continue to put a smile on my face, pretend all is well, put one foot in front of the other and try to lose another pound by Thursday.  I am hoping to buy a new scale on Wednesday so I should be able to get a true weight Thursday.


  1. I can relate to just about everything you vented about, and if you lived closer, I would definitely have coffee with you.

  2. Thank you Karabre!!! All of your support means the world to me!!!!!!!!!!!