My progress at a glance!!

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Saturday, July 30, 2011

Wow it has been crazy!!!

It has been crazy busy at my house lately.  Had a garage sale yesterday and today so have been busy all week getting ready for it.  I considered it a huge success and anything leftover is being donated. 

The bad news is Thursday I posted a gain of almost 3 lbs.  Not sure why since I have continued to exercise and have stayed under my calories.  I am wondering if it is the new scale??  I guess we will see at next week weigh ins.  I was not happy with my self Thursday and I almost gave up but didn't and am happy to say that I didn't give up.  Usually that would have been enough for me to be frustrated and throw in the towel.

Sorry this is so short but I have to get my new goddaughter's book sewed together and packed so we can head to SD for her baptism tomorrow.  Hope everyone has a great weekend!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Monday, July 25, 2011

Gotta get moving!!!

Wow I am exhausted!!  Had water aerobics this morning.  Came home spent time with the kids and sorted stuff for the garage sale this weekend.  This evening took the kids to the pool for 2 hrs.  Let me just tell you walking, running, jumping in the water with a 36 lb. toddler is hard work!!  I needed the extra work out I am sure but holy cow are my arms are tired.  To top if off if I wasn't swimming with my son I was swimming laps freestyle.  It feels good to have been so active tomorrow but I am ready for bed!!

So I had a moment of insanity yesterday and committed to a challenge.  I committed to being under 300 by August 31.  Umm yeah not sure about this.  That is almost 30 lbs in a month.  I am gonna push hard watch what I eat and work out more and hopefully Sept 1 I can report that I made it.  I don't care if it is 299.99 as long as that first # is a 2!!!  I can do this!!! 

Saturday, July 23, 2011

New scale & a shout out!!

I bought a new scale today and it seems to be working great!!  I will be weighing in in the morning so that I have a base number with the new scale.  Hopefully it won't be too ugly tomorrow!! I haven't stepped on it but I did make my kids and it was pretty close to the old scale so hoping it is close to me as well. 

Now the shout out.  If you are looking for an easy way to track calories in & out check out  I absolutely love this website.  If you have a smartphone it also has an app for your phone.  I have a Droid and have the app on my phone and it is soo awesome.  You put in the food and amount it tells you calories you ate.  It sets your calorie goal based on your height weight and goals.  Also will tell you how many calories burned doing your exercise when you enter length and exercise done.  This site also has message boards and ways to track your weight etc.  It is an amazing thing and I highly recommend it!!!  It has helped me so much and I get so much support from the other people on there!!! 

Thursday, July 21, 2011

2 lb loss I THINK!!!!

So after having to purposely make a stop yesterday because I had forgotten about buying a scale all day I take it out of the package this morning and get ready to weigh in and the stupid thing doesn't want to turn on.  Finally get it to turn on and the stupid thing gives me 3 different weights the 3 times I stepped on it.  I walk away come back try again and same thing different weight every time I step on.  So it is going back to the store Saturday morning when I go to town.  So I pulled out my old scale and went with the weight that came up the most in 10 tries.  I hope the scale I get Saturday will give me an accurate weight.  THis is soo frustrating!!!

Wednesday, July 20, 2011


Tomorrow is weigh in day and I have never been so scared.  If you remember my scale died last week and I bought a new one today.  That means tomorrow I weigh in on a new scale that I have never stepped foot on.  I haven't even taken it out of the box yet.  YIKES!!!!!

On a good note today was a much better day!! I was brave and I took them all to Casper shopping.  To my surprise they were all very well behaved and all got along and it was one hell of a long day!!!  It was so nice to actually enjoy them instead of having to constantly discipline them and being frustrated all day!!!  Also want to say a big thank you to all of you that have read my posts the last couple of days and encouraged me to keep going.  It means sooo much to me.  Kathy you have no idea how much your email meant to me tonite when I got home!!!!!  It made me cry in a good way!!  I love you and thank you for all that you do and have done for me!!! 

One more thing:  I am so impressed myself tonite!!  We were gone all day shopping.  I stayed under my calories so this eating healthy thing is finally starting to click in my brain!! 

Thank you all and here's to hoping the new scale will be nice to me in the morning. 

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

About to give up!!!

I am trying hard not to but I just want to give up on this journey.  I am just getting so frustrated with everything(see previous post) and I just don't know if I have the fight left to climb this Mountain!!!  So many things working against me and my emotions are taking over.  I know deep down I don't want to give up but part of me says why change the way everyone thinks of me.  I mean I have been Lardo for 30+ yrs why change it now?????? 

So tonite I am at a crossroads in this journey and hope that my mind will clear and I will see the path to continue on.  All I am asking is to keep me in your thoughts and hope things settle down and I find my way cuz right now I am in some pretty heavy fog and losing my way!!!

Monday, July 18, 2011

Warning Vent ahead!!!!

I am so so so sick and tired of kids fighting & whining!!!  I am also sick of being used, taken advantage of, laughed at, made fun of, and being shit on by people who are supposed to be my friends!!!!  I hate that I can't buy my kids everything they want even if they deserve it!!  I hate that I couldn't carry my 2 youngest to full term and the issues this has caused both of them.  I hate that my husband works 2 jobs because he doesn't want our youngest in daycare. I hate that people I thought were my friends have proven that they aren't.  I hate that I really have no friends close.  I hate that I weigh 329 lbs and struggle so hard to lose weight.  I hate that my dad has never met my son!! I hate that I am not allowed to call my mom! But most of all I hate that I feel so alone some days!!!!!!!!!!!!  No I am not suicidal I am just sick and tired of hiding all of this deep down and putting on a smile everyday and everyone assuming I am ok instead of just once asking how I really am and taking the time to actually listen to my real answer.  I am feeling very alone and lost.  I am on a journey but for the first time ever feel like I am going every step of the way by myself!!!  I want people to truly be my friends and be willing to go do something as simple as having coffee with me.  Maybe I just need to accept I am a bitch and no one wants to be around me.  Who knows??? 

Sorry but I warned you!!!!!!  I had to get that out and I had no clue where else I could let out this vent so this was my outlet.  Everyone says I am soo strong well you know what I sure don't feel that way today!!!  But none the less I will continue to put a smile on my face, pretend all is well, put one foot in front of the other and try to lose another pound by Thursday.  I am hoping to buy a new scale on Wednesday so I should be able to get a true weight Thursday.

Saturday, July 16, 2011

New God Daughter

I am so excited.  My Hubby and I were asked to be our new nieces godparents.  She is absolutely beautiful in pictures and I cannot wait to see her & hold her.  The bad part is now I have to go shopping and I hate shopping for me for dress clothes!!  I love that I get to go shopping for her!!  She is just one more thing to keep me motivated.  Baptism is July 31 and I would love to have lost my first 20 lbs by then!!  Only about 3 lbs to go so I think it is completely doable!!

I have started pilates videos at home and I am fairly certain they are gonna be the death of me!!  But I will keep doing it because I can see results.  Also am loving the Walk Away the Pounds vidoes as well.  And am still doing my water aerobics!!!  Just wish I could figure out why I am so tired after exercising I thought it was supposed to give you energy??

Thursday, July 14, 2011

What A Rush!!!!

OK I know I said I wasn't gonna be able to weigh but I went ahead and tried on my scale.  I stepped on my scale 10 times and the number that came up the most was 329.2 so I am gonna go with that which means weight stayed the same.  Also decided since I couldn't get an accurate weight I would take my measurements since it had been 2 wks.  The results are in I lost .5" from my bicep, 2" from my chest, 1.5" from my waist, and .5" from my thigh for a grand total of 4.5 inches lost in 2 wks.  Not too shabby if I do say so myself.

And now I have to share a funny moment.  Yesterday my 12 yr old decided she was gonna do pilates with me.  She about died with the first exercise which was the basic 100 where you put legs up in air laying on back pick up head and bounce arms 100 times.  Me I did fine with it (for the first time ever).  Then we did some leg work and some more abs and I kicked her butt!!  I was soooo proud of myself.  This fat momma kicked her sports playing skinny teeny boppers butt in pilates.  What a rush!!!!!!!!!

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

NO Weigh In tomorrow :(

First of all to explain the title my scale has died(probably from my big butt stepping on it).  I can step on it 6 times and get at least 4 different weights.  Not real helpful to determine a correct weight.  I will be getting a new one in time for next weeks weigh-in!!

Next I am mad at myself!!!  Trying my scale today and realized that all 6 weights were above last week.  Obviously I have not done as well as I thought so I am making changes.  I am not going to let myself fail!!!!!!  I am cutting calories back to 1500/day and hopefully that along with adding in some push ups & sit ups everyday plus 20 min of pilates 2x a week will make that stupid scale move!!!  One can hope right???

On a good note today I have done my water aerobics plus 50 push ups, 50 sit ups, and 25 min of pilates.  Tomorrow is my off day of water aerobics but I hope to get all the others done at some point during the day!!  And if I get in more than thats just a bonus.  However for today all that exercise has meant neglecting the laundry so off I go to load the dishwasher and fold laundry!!!  Exciting huh??

Monday, July 11, 2011

Sooooooooo Proud of Myself!

So I have to take a moment to brag!!  I forgot to take my Phentermine camping with me this weekend and when I realized it Saturday morning my first thought was Oh Shit.  So I think to myself just be careful you can do this and to my surprise I did pretty well.  I kept my eating in check and I didn't touch the Rice Krispy Bars.  When I wanted a snack I just grabbed a small one.  My biggest downfall was that I didn't drink enough water and so came home with ankles that looked like pregnancy kankles.  I am happy to say that after water aerobics this morning they are pretty much back to normal and I am back on my Phentermine and my water intake. I did get some exercise in every day.  It was a walk up to the bathroom. :)  So I am thinking I will be ok when it comes time for weigh-in on Thursday!!!

Today at lunch I came to the realization that it is soo important to put away lunch leftovers!!  I usually don't but today I picked at the leftovers and after the second time it hit me what I was doing and and I promptly threw the rest away!!  I am so happy that I am finally realizing all of this crap and making the changes necessary so that I can finally stay on track with my weight loss! 

Hope you all had a great weekend!! 

Thursday, July 7, 2011

Wish me luck!!!!!!!!!!

Ok as I write this I hope it makes sense because I am sooooooooo tired.  My husband was blessed with a new niece today!  She is healthy and beautiful.  I can not wait to meet her but it will be a couple of weeks before I do.

The scale:  I lost 5.8 lbs this week!!  That means since starting this journey I have lost 17.8 lbs!!  I am almost to my first goal of losing the first 20 lbs.  My next goal is to lose my first 10% which means I have to lose 34.7 lbs which will take me close to being out of the 300's but now quite so obviously my third goal is to get out of the 300's.  That will be a day for real celebration!!!

I am going on a mini vacation this weekend but will be back Sunday evening.  Hoping I don't totally blow the diet while I am gone!!!!!  Wish me luck!!!!!!!!!!!

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

OH NO tomorrow is weigh in!!!!!!

I am dreading tomorrow!!!!!!!!  I don't know why I have tried really hard to eat good and I have been doing my water aerobics.  I think a lot of it is the fear after gaining last week.  I can do this I can do this I can do this right?????

I am doubting myself so much the last couple of days!!  I just need to keep working at it but sometimes it would be easier to eat that candy bar!!!!!!!!!!!  But then I would never get to fly or go on rides with my kids. 

Speaking of kids I had to take all 3 grocery shopping today.  Dear god I don't even know if I got what I needed.  They were all so crabby and wouldnot listen!!!  If they were not whining the girls thought they needed to touch every freaking item on the shelf.  I was so frustrated with them and the have not gotten any better since we got home.  I just want to run away. 

I am going to start adding EA Active for the WII to my exercise list.  Hoping it will help kick everything into gear just a little more and make the pounds melt away a just little faster.  Can't hurt right???

Tomorrow I will report on the weigh in and I may just measure myself for the hell of it.  Just praying for some kind of a loss!!!!!

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Another weigh in is coming close!!

First of all I have to say that I am pretty proud of myself for how I ate yesterday!!! I ended the day at about 300 calories over my limit but that was before I logged any exercise  and we were at the lake so I got lots of that in.  Spent this evening watching the sky wondering who made mother nature mad.  Luckily we made it thru the storm with no damage but for awhile I thought we were in big trouble!!  Watching clouds swirl above your head is definately not a comforting sight!! 

I overcame a small part of my demons today by actually admitting what some of my demons were.  I know this will sound crazy but I feel like a huge weight was lifted and I have yet to actually admit them outloud only in my head.  I feel as if I actually deserve to succeed at this goal and lose my weight!!  This is a huge break thru for me!!  I have always thought I didn't deserve to be a healthy thin person!! 

I am a little nervous for Thursday's weigh in but I really think it will be ok!!  I have been watching my calorie intake and keeping up with exercising and actually started doing some sit ups and push ups at home on my off aerobic days.  Let's just say my daughters sat in awe as I did 50 crunches on my exercise ball and then did 50 sit ups with it as well!!  I felt good afterwards even if it was only 50 of each.  That's a lot for this fat girl!!!!!!  It is a start and soon I hope to add some exercises with resistance bands to the off days.   I have to remember one step at a time one pound at a time!!!!!

Sunday, July 3, 2011

Happy 4th of July

Just wanted to take a moment to wish everyone a happy 4th of July!!  My family & I will be going to the lake for the day!!  I am sure the day will be filled with challenges when it comes to healthy food but I am going to do my best!  My biggest downfall will probably be the strawberry daquiri's that I love.  Yes we take a blender to the lake with us!!!!   Today was a great day as far as the diet went.  My only craving today was for Watermelon and I guess I don't consider that a bad craving.  This eating healthy/less is getting easier every day.  A good friend of mine gave me the "kick in the ass" I have been needing and I am ready for whatever this week holds for me!!!

Saturday, July 2, 2011

I decided to just do it!!

I hate taking my measurements and today I decided that maybe it would be best to keep track of that as well so that on days I see a gain I will hopefully see a loss of inches and will not get as discouraged.  I wrote the measurements down and will remeasure at least every month on the 1st.  I actually did 50 sit ups & 50 push ups today.  I know its not a lot but when I am someone who never used to do them to me it is a huge accomplishment.  Also today I realized I have a lot of issues that I need to deal with so that I can succeed at weight loss.  There are demons in my past that I need to come to terms with but I have not figured out how to do this yet nor have I figured out who it is safe to talk to about these demons.  These demons scare me therefore I do not talk openly about them, they are not something anybody knows about.  They are things that are awful and made me turn to food.  I hope over the next few weeks/months that I will find someone to talk to about these demons.  I know a huge relief will be felt when these demons can be gone. 

I have to say a big thank you to my mommy friend that encouraged me to download the My Fitness Pal app on my phone!!  That app is amazing and I love having an easy convenient way to track my calories/exercise every day.  My phone goes everywhere with me so it makes tracking easy.  Thank you Jamie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I would highly recommend it to anyone that needs an easy way to journal your calories and exercise!!! 

Friday, July 1, 2011

Upcoming holiday and a gain

So as promised I weighed myself this morning and I gained 3 lbs.  The good news to that is even though I gained my clothes, in particular my swimsuit, are fitting different looser I think.  My swimsuit is almost too big and and I just bought it 3 wks ago!!  I have to share my feel good moment of the week so far.  Wednesday morning as I was getting ready to head to SD my 12 yr old daughter comes up to me and says "Hey Mom, your tummy is getting smaller"  That one comment made my week!!  I am happy that somebody can see a difference especially since I am really bummed about the whole weight gain this week!! 

I am looking forward to spending the Fourth of July with my family at the lake.  The hard part is going to be keeping what I eat in check.  I am going to go with something I seen on someone else's blog-I will allow myself one bite of anything so that I do not feel deprived.  I bought watermelon, cantaloupe, & honeydew today and will be cutting that up and taking it with me so that I have at least one healthy snack!!  However I am sure I will still have to roast and eat at least one Marshmallow!!!  Don't want the rest of the smore just the burnt marshmallow!!! 

Hope everyone has a great holiday weekend and stay safe!!!