New scale & a shout out!!

I bought a new scale today and it seems to be working great!!  I will be weighing in in the morning so that I have a base number with the new scale.  Hopefully it won't be too ugly tomorrow!! I haven't stepped on it but I did make my kids and it was pretty close to the old scale so hoping it is close to me as well. 

Now the shout out.  If you are looking for an easy way to track calories in & out check out www.myfitnesspal.com  I absolutely love this website.  If you have a smartphone it also has an app for your phone.  I have a Droid and have the app on my phone and it is soo awesome.  You put in the food and amount it tells you calories you ate.  It sets your calorie goal based on your height weight and goals.  Also will tell you how many calories burned doing your exercise when you enter length and exercise done.  This site also has message boards and ways to track your weight etc.  It is an amazing thing and I highly recommend it!!!  It has helped me so much and I get so much support from the other people on there!!! 

2 lb loss I THINK!!!!

So after having to purposely make a stop yesterday because I had forgotten about buying a scale all day I take it out of the package this morning and get ready to weigh in and the stupid thing doesn't want to turn on.  Finally get it to turn on and the stupid thing gives me 3 different weights the 3 times I stepped on it.  I walk away come back try again and same thing different weight every time I step on.  So it is going back to the store Saturday morning when I go to town.  So I pulled out my old scale and went with the weight that came up the most in 10 tries.  I hope the scale I get Saturday will give me an accurate weight.  THis is soo frustrating!!!

Yikes!!!

Tomorrow is weigh in day and I have never been so scared.  If you remember my scale died last week and I bought a new one today.  That means tomorrow I weigh in on a new scale that I have never stepped foot on.  I haven't even taken it out of the box yet.  YIKES!!!!!

On a good note today was a much better day!! I was brave and I took them all to Casper shopping.  To my surprise they were all very well behaved and all got along and it was one hell of a long day!!!  It was so nice to actually enjoy them instead of having to constantly discipline them and being frustrated all day!!!  Also want to say a big thank you to all of you that have read my posts the last couple of days and encouraged me to keep going.  It means sooo much to me.  Kathy you have no idea how much your email meant to me tonite when I got home!!!!!  It made me cry in a good way!!  I love you and thank you for all that you do and have done for me!!! 

One more thing:  I am so impressed myself tonite!!  We were gone all day shopping.  I stayed under my calories so this eating healthy thing is finally starting to click in my brain!! 

Thank you all and here's to hoping the new scale will be nice to me in the morning. 

About to give up!!!

I am trying hard not to but I just want to give up on this journey.  I am just getting so frustrated with everything(see previous post) and I just don't know if I have the fight left to climb this Mountain!!!  So many things working against me and my emotions are taking over.  I know deep down I don't want to give up but part of me says why change the way everyone thinks of me.  I mean I have been Lardo for 30+ yrs why change it now?????? 

So tonite I am at a crossroads in this journey and hope that my mind will clear and I will see the path to continue on.  All I am asking is to keep me in your thoughts and hope things settle down and I find my way cuz right now I am in some pretty heavy fog and losing my way!!!

Warning Vent ahead!!!!

I am so so so sick and tired of kids fighting & whining!!!  I am also sick of being used, taken advantage of, laughed at, made fun of, and being shit on by people who are supposed to be my friends!!!!  I hate that I can't buy my kids everything they want even if they deserve it!!  I hate that I couldn't carry my 2 youngest to full term and the issues this has caused both of them.  I hate that my husband works 2 jobs because he doesn't want our youngest in daycare. I hate that people I thought were my friends have proven that they aren't.  I hate that I really have no friends close.  I hate that I weigh 329 lbs and struggle so hard to lose weight.  I hate that my dad has never met my son!! I hate that I am not allowed to call my mom! But most of all I hate that I feel so alone some days!!!!!!!!!!!!  No I am not suicidal I am just sick and tired of hiding all of this deep down and putting on a smile everyday and everyone assuming I am ok instead of just once asking how I really am and taking the time to actually listen to my real answer.  I am feeling very alone and lost.  I am on a journey but for the first time ever feel like I am going every step of the way by myself!!!  I want people to truly be my friends and be willing to go do something as simple as having coffee with me.  Maybe I just need to accept I am a bitch and no one wants to be around me.  Who knows??? 

Sorry but I warned you!!!!!!  I had to get that out and I had no clue where else I could let out this vent so this was my outlet.  Everyone says I am soo strong well you know what I sure don't feel that way today!!!  But none the less I will continue to put a smile on my face, pretend all is well, put one foot in front of the other and try to lose another pound by Thursday.  I am hoping to buy a new scale on Wednesday so I should be able to get a true weight Thursday.

New God Daughter

I am so excited.  My Hubby and I were asked to be our new nieces godparents.  She is absolutely beautiful in pictures and I cannot wait to see her & hold her.  The bad part is now I have to go shopping and I hate shopping for me for dress clothes!!  I love that I get to go shopping for her!!  She is just one more thing to keep me motivated.  Baptism is July 31 and I would love to have lost my first 20 lbs by then!!  Only about 3 lbs to go so I think it is completely doable!!

I have started pilates videos at home and I am fairly certain they are gonna be the death of me!!  But I will keep doing it because I can see results.  Also am loving the Walk Away the Pounds vidoes as well.  And am still doing my water aerobics!!!  Just wish I could figure out why I am so tired after exercising I thought it was supposed to give you energy??

What A Rush!!!!

OK I know I said I wasn't gonna be able to weigh but I went ahead and tried on my scale.  I stepped on my scale 10 times and the number that came up the most was 329.2 so I am gonna go with that which means weight stayed the same.  Also decided since I couldn't get an accurate weight I would take my measurements since it had been 2 wks.  The results are in I lost .5" from my bicep, 2" from my chest, 1.5" from my waist, and .5" from my thigh for a grand total of 4.5 inches lost in 2 wks.  Not too shabby if I do say so myself.

And now I have to share a funny moment.  Yesterday my 12 yr old decided she was gonna do pilates with me.  She about died with the first exercise which was the basic 100 where you put legs up in air laying on back pick up head and bounce arms 100 times.  Me I did fine with it (for the first time ever).  Then we did some leg work and some more abs and I kicked her butt!!  I was soooo proud of myself.  This fat momma kicked her sports playing skinny teeny boppers butt in pilates.  What a rush!!!!!!!!!